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<title>Mr Fusspot's New... *ahem* "Toy" by Dats_der_bunny</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677735">Mr Fusspot's New... *ahem* "Toy"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dats_der_bunny/pseuds/Dats_der_bunny'>Dats_der_bunny</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Discworld - Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Book: Making Money (Discworld), Gen, Missing Scene, There's no such thing as 'just a "sir".', not with these two</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:41:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>914</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dats_der_bunny/pseuds/Dats_der_bunny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing Scene from Making Money: What happened when Lord Vetinari read Captain Carrot's report when it was discovered that the gold was missing from the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork? Specifically, the part about Mr Fusspot's new favourite toy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Havelock Vetinari &amp; Samuel Vimes, Rufus Drumknott &amp; Havelock Vetinari</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mr Fusspot's New... *ahem* "Toy"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yep. I went there. I really did. Sorry, not sorry.<br/>And then I dragged Vimes in for a meeting with Vetinari too. Because I just couldn’t resist.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Drumknott stared glumly at the reports. He knew that the first report his lordship would want to look through would be the one on the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork, especially considering recent events. Not that the missing gold was news to the Patrician, of course, but good filing practice dictated that this Watch report should be at the top of the pile nevertheless.</p><p>Common decency, on the other hand, did not.</p><p>Drumknott hesitated. It was no different, really, to handing his lordship a report on the Seamstresses’ Guild, was it? Drumknott shook his head and pulled himself together. He put the report at the top of the pile, took a deep breath, and made his way to Vetinari’s desk.</p><p>Vetinari briefly glanced up from his writing towards the thicker-than-usual pile of papers in Drumknott’s hand. ‘Ah, a long evening for me then?’</p><p>‘It would appear so, my lord,’ said Drumknott. ‘There have been some new developments at the Bank.’</p><p>Vetinari sighed as he took the bundle of reports. ‘Would you be so kind as to ask the kitchens to send up an extra pot of tea?’ he asked, already leafing through the papers.</p><p>‘Of course, my lord,’ said Drumknott, relief washing over him. He had only to get out of the room before Vetinari reached a certain point in the first report…</p><p>Unfortunately for Mr Drumknott, Lord Vetinari was a very fast reader; he skipped merrily over the obstacle course that was Captain Carrot’s attitude to spelling, punctuation and grammar.<a href="#_ftn1" id="_ftnref1" name="_ftnref1">[1]</a> Vetinari gave a surprised little cough, then cleared his throat again.</p><p>When Drumknott slowly turned around, Vetinari was looking up at the ceiling, with a very small, but very distinctive look of amusement on his face despite the hand in front of it. The real giveaway was the unmistakeable light in his eyes.</p><p>‘Would you please inform Commander Vimes that he has a meeting with me at his earliest convenience?’ Vetinari said at last.</p><p>Drumknott nodded. ‘Of course, my lord.’</p><p>—</p><p>‘Ah, Commander! Thank you so much for dropping in.’ He had adopted an especially bright voice for the occasion.</p><p>‘Sir,’ said Vimes, in a tone of voice that said: I didn’t “drop in” and you bloody well know it, I was called away from home just after putting my son to bed because that imbecile from the Post Office somehow couldn’t manage to stop tonnes of gold from waltzing out of the bloody bank.</p><p>Vimes had a real knack for making a monosyllabic response carry a lot of information.</p><p>‘I’ve read Captain Carrot’s report, and what an enlightening piece of work it was, as ever,’ Vetinari continued, with a flicker of a smile. ‘Before we discuss the security measures at the bank, perhaps you can clarify something for me? A minor detail, I am sure, but nevertheless…’</p><p>‘Sir?’ Vimes said.</p><p>Ah, Vetinari thought, that “sir?” clearly meant: I think I can see where you’re going with this and I don’t like it one bit. Oh, <em>good</em>.</p><p>‘A Divyce of An Intimate Naychure?’ He took particular care to pronounce each individual spelling mistake. He looked up at Vimes expectantly, with as much genuine, innocent curiosity as he could muster.</p><p>‘Sir?’ Vimes repeated, although it was a slightly more uncertain “sir?” this time.</p><p>‘What kind of device would that be, Commander?’ he said.</p><p>‘Uh, well, Captain Carrot didn’t exactly say—’ he mumbled.</p><p>Vetinari frowned. ‘You have co-signed the report, haven’t you?’ He made a show of running a finger along the page, tapping it at the bottom.</p><p>‘Yes, sir, but—'</p><p>‘You must have <em>some </em>idea, then?’ Vetinari prompted. Vimes was starting to turn very slightly red.</p><p>‘P’rhaps you should have a meeting with one of the Seamstresses rather than me, sir.’ Vimes said hurriedly.</p><p>Vetinari said nothing. Why say anything at all, when instead you can simply sit back and let silence do all the work for you? He sat back in his chair and waited, watching as Vimes’s face slowly started to shift.</p><p>‘I didn’t mean—’ he began.</p><p>Vetinari held up a hand, only because he wasn’t entirely certain that he would be able to get through Vimes’s babbling with a straight face, although he did put a faint little smile on now. ‘I’m quite sure you didn’t, Commander.’</p><p>‘I only meant that—' Vimes paused and glanced at Vetinari’s face briefly. His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly before they returned to their spot on the wall behind Vetinari’s head. ‘Sir,’ he repeated.</p><p>Ah. It would appear that this “sir” must mean “I’m not going to let you string me along any further, I know that you know what that godsdamned report means”. It was a shame, really. He’d thought that he could get a lot more mileage out of it. He took a deep breath and gathered up the papers to indicate that the conversation was moving on.</p><p>As he did so, he cast his mind back to the dog itself. He’d dismissed it as a rather stupid-looking thing; with those big, trusting eyes; and the report only served to confirm those suspicions, however… There was clearly something a little different about him, and Vetinari had respected and actually quite liked Topsy Lavish herself. And he trusted her judgement too.</p><p>He smiled again, banishing all thoughts of dogs as he returned his undivided attention to the Commander of the Watch.</p><p> </p><p><a href="#_ftnref1" id="_ftn1" name="_ftn1">[1]</a> It was an obstacle course that did not include hurdles, since the Watch do not, in fact, have one, much to Vetinari’s eternal disappointment.</p>
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